I rehearsed the words in the shower, in the car, and in front of the bathroom mirror while my partner slept. No matter how many times I tried, nothing felt right. How do you tell your children that your family now has to face cancer?
Finding the Right Words First
For nearly a week, my partner and I kept the diagnosis to ourselves. Not because we wanted to hide it, but because we needed time to process it ourselves before we could explain it to anyone else, let alone our kids. We had multiple conversations at the kitchen table after they went to bed about whether we should tell them now or wait until we had a treatment plan in place.
With two children, one eleven and the other seven, I knew my approaches had to be different. Our oldest is old enough to ask serious questions and remember everything we say. For our youngest, I needed to use gentle, reassuring words so they wouldn't fill in the blanks with their own fears.
Before talking to my kids, I reached out to our social worker at Astera Cancer Care. Before meeting with her, I had no idea support like that existed. She helped me understand what to expect, how to communicate with children at different ages, and how to answer the difficult questions they might have. That conversation helped me develop the confidence and clarity I needed during one of the most difficult times in my life.
Sitting Them Down
One Sunday afternoon, I asked my family to gather in the living room for an important conversation. We all sat together in the living room. My hands were shaking so much, I had to lace my fingers together so no one would notice. I could already sense my children knew something was wrong. In that moment, I gently told them that the doctors had found cancer. I explained that I would need treatment to help me get better and that there would be days when I might not feel like myself. Most importantly, I reassured them that none of it was anyone's fault and that we would get through it together as a family.
My oldest was quiet at first, asked if I was going to be alright, and asked if I would still be able to make it to their dance recital next month. That simple question made me smile through my tears. I looked at both of my kids and told them that my doctors are working hard to ensure I receive the best care possible during my treatment. That was the first time my youngest saw me cry. Even though I tried to stay strong, my emotions took over. Without saying a word, she leaned over and hugged me, somehow knowing that her embrace was exactly what I needed in that moment. It was then I realized how important this next part of my life would be.
Holding Onto Hope
Over the next few weeks, I watched my kids process everything in their own ways. One would check on me without being asked, while the other would draw pictures for my infusion days and ask to sit with me. When questions came up, my care team was ready to address any concerns my kids had. I am thankful every day for the help they provide. Through it all, I remind myself and my family that we will get through this together, and that I am ready to take on whatever life throws at us.
Conversations like these are never easy, and there is no perfect way to have them. Every family's journey through a cancer diagnosis is different, bringing a range of emotions that can be difficult to process. At Astera Cancer Care, our social work team is here to support patients and their loved ones every step of the way, providing guidance through difficult conversations, emotional counseling, connections to community resources, and compassionate support tailored to each family's unique needs.